Mommy Of An Angel

After trying to conceive for over 6 years, my husband and I found out in October 2015 we were finally expecting. This was the happiest day of our lives thankfully our prayers had finally been answered. We followed every doctors appointment with extreme excitement hearing our blessings heart beat and seeing them in many ultrasounds but all of that changed on Feb 6th, 2016.

We went eagerly to our 20-week anatomy scan hoping to find out if we would be having a beautiful baby girl or handsome baby boy. We had preplanned a great big gender reveal party that very day to announce the big news to all of our family. Once we started our ultrasound the tech instantly began crying. Confused as to what was happening the tech explained our angel no longer had a heartbeat. We were in disbelief and did not understand I just heard the heartbeat five days prior at my prenatal appointment. She could not explain why and was in shock herself she explained this is the first time she has ever had to tell a couple 20 weeks in that their baby was deceased.

She called in the doctor and the doctor began explaining that they had no answer for me. All of my test results were normal and they did not know why this had happened. They said that my only option was delivery. Still confused as to why this happened, I was in disbelief and angry that I had no answers. We began blaming ourselves and we’re so upset we had to head to our big gender reveal party with this devastating news.

The gender reveal we had planned was turned into a memorial instead. I was in such a daze and in so much pain surrounded my family everyone lost and confused. Still struggling with no answers as to what happened to our angel the doctors had induced my labor on Feb 8th and 13 hours later, on Feb 9th, 2016 at 7:55 am I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl.

Amniotic Band Syndrome and the Pain of a Stillbirth

Upon delivery, we found out our daughter suffered from severe Amniotic Band Syndrome that was undetected on ultrasounds. The bands had wrapped around her umbilical cord strangling all blood flow and was attached to her hands, she also suffered from a clubfoot and cleft lip all connected to ABS.

This is the very first I have ever heard of such syndrome. This is all still fresh and hurts me to my core. She was my joy, she was my happiness. We had waited for this day for years and this is not how I wanted it to end. The pain of a stillbirth is unbearable. Nothing can replace my angel, but I am thankful to know she is at peace. thank you for sharing your story because it has gave me the courage to explain mine talking is my strength but I find it hard to find people wanting listen people don’t know how to deal with the loss of an infant believing it easier just to ignore but that is not always true our children are a blessing and deserve to be rejoiced weather here with us on earth or dancing in heaven….. “A mother is not defined by the children you see a mother is defined by the love she carries in her heart…..”

Thank you for sharing your stories because it has given me the courage to explain mine. Talking is helping to give me strength but I find it hard to find people who want to listen. People don’t know how to deal with the loss of an infant.

Our children are a blessing and deserve to be rejoiced whether here with us on earth, or dancing in heaven.

“A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart.”

— Franchesca Cox